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My Own Personal Wardrobe Malfunction

July 11, 2011

Remember my workout plans for yesterday? They involved me, family, pool. We headed to Crestwood Aquatic Center to celebrate our friends’ son’s 9th birthday. Andy & Melissa are college friends of mine, and it’s so fun to watch our kids grow up together! They come to our family parties and vice versa, so it’s always a fun time when we get to hang out.

When we pulled in, the parking lot was packed so we knew we weren’t going to be the only ones there. It was oppressively hot, so I can’t fault anyone else in St. Louis County for wanting to pack their kids up and head to the pool.

We played around in the kiddie pool, took a cruise in the lazy river, then we heard it was time to eat! Pizza, chips and soda, of course, nothing but healthy nosh at a kid’s birthday party. 🙂 So I get my kids’ plates all set up and turn around to go get some for myself. I don’t remember why I had to bend over, but I did.

And then it gave out. “It” would be the little plastic hook that holds my boobs in my bikini top. Like a sling shot flying out of the hands of an overeager bully on a playground, the back straps of my top flew around my body, inverting themselves inside out over the front of my boobs and left me hanging there like a jungle woman in a National Geographic Magazine.

H-O-R-R-O-R. Sheer freakin’ horror came over me as I tried to figure out why the inside of my bikini top was on the outside, how much of my boobs were exposed (um, that’d be all the boob, Bob) and who had seen this! I’m at a family party, grandparents, aunts, uncles, family friends…but not my family, someone else’s family.

Once I was able to untangle the top and get my tatas covered up once again, I was able to look up…and half the group was staring at me. Luckily, it was the half that was mostly the grandmas and aunts, not the grandpas, uncles and small children. Within minutes, I had a committee of women standing around, trying to help me fix my top. After an eternity 20 minutes, my husband and Andy’s mom were able to MacGuyver me a new bikini top to get me through the rest of day.

That’s a key ring, in case you’re wondering.

In the end, it turns out my friend Doug, who was sitting right beside me, did indeed get an eyeful, though he was hesitant to admit it. I finally got him to admit that he saw “what looked like a big fleshy punching bag.” Sweet. Just how I want them to be described.

I thought my chances of getting any real exercise were blown, but I actually found the key ring to be perfect. Bouncing in the pool, catching my boys as they flew off the side, all great fun and workout worthy. And…

I actually swam laps! I know, me, the non-swimmer! Inspired by Krazy Kris’ recent foray into the aquatic world, I set out to do a few laps, and ended up doing 10….four laps of breast stroke, six laps of back stroke. And by “breast stroke” and “back stroke,” I mean my version of those, not proper, Olympic-approved versions. But a workout was had, nonetheless.

I almost felt better about having eaten all that celebration food of the weekend!

I wish I had something more than my neighbor’s above-ground swimming pool to take a dip in on a regular basis, but it’s a place to start.

And next time, I’ll make sure I have a back-up bikini top, just in case my boobs decide they need to be set free once again.

Every experience your own workout wardrobe malfunctions? 

This was my first…yay, me!

5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 11, 2011 3:36 pm

    Funny! I’ll never have this problem sadly…luckily hubbie is an ass man. LOL!

    • July 11, 2011 6:33 pm

      Oh, Lord, I hope my bathing suit never goes out on that half! God definitely gave me extra helpings in both of those departments! 🙂

  2. Monique permalink
    July 11, 2011 8:57 pm

    OOOOOHHHHH MMMMMMYYYYY GOOOSSSSSHHHHH, Amy! You had me rolling with laughter! I am sorry that it happened, but thank you for sharing it! You are so sweet and such a nice person that I am sure it was hard for Doug to admit anything. Yes, I agree that I would rather not hear “them” described that way. It is good to know that none of us are perfect. It reminds me of the time I was Drum Majorette for our band in high school and I slid down the stairs that faced the audience and gave them quite a show as my skirt went flying up! BTW, please tell Andy and Melissa HI for us when you see them next!


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